Emotional invalidation by others makes self acceptance particularly hard and can cause much confusion in the psyche which leads to depression, anxiety and depersonalization.
How is Emotional Invalidation Connected to Depersonalization?
Emotional Invalidation can lead to depersonalization due to the severity of the emotional turmoil it can cause an individual, especially if it has been happening for a long time (chronic)
Examples of Emotional Invalidation
Many times people don’t even realize they are being emotionally invalidated. Why? Because its subtle, but the effects of it are severe. An example of emotional invalidation would be a partner saying to you “Come on it’s not so bad” after you shared some deep feelings of sadness. Even though they might be saying that to you because they want to make you feel better, they are in fact emotionally invalidating your feelings. An example of what the right thing to say would be something “I am sorry that you feel that way, is there anything I can do to make it better?”
Emotional Invalidation can be in the form of blaming. An example would be when your partner or caregiver blames you for your own feelings. They will say something like “you’re such a drama queen” or “you’re always crying about something” “get over it”
Judging as a form of emotional invalidation sounds something like “why are you so sensitive” “you shouldn’t be so effected by this”
Emotional invalidation by denying is telling the other person they aren’t feeling what they are feeling. “You’re not hungry, you just ate” “You don’t know what you want” “you’re not tired, you haven’t done anything all day”
“Don’t worry, its not that bad. Don’t waste anymore time worries about it”
Nonverbal emotional invalidation is when someone rolls their eyes at you, walks away from you mid conversation, taps their fingers while you are talking, says “uh huh”, inturrupts you mid sentence, is preoccupied with other things instead of paying attention to you when you are sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Nonverbal self-invalidation is when you ignore your pain, or feelings. This can happen if you have been emotionally invalidated by either your spouse or your parents, you start minimizing your own needs eventually as well. Examples would be: not eating when hungry, not going to sleep when tired, denying your pain by saying “you’re fine, stop being such a baby” or denying your own happiness/joy by saying “what are you so happy about, stop it!”
Leaning to validate yourself
Self emotional validation is very important to develop a healthy self image. Knowing what you want and feel will help you develop into a secure and confident adult. Just because someone else doesn’t approve of you thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean that its true. Listen to the voice inside, is it your true self.